This is what our arbor looked like at 9:30am. These Wisteria have not flowered in the 3 years we’ve lived here. They are in what is called (ironically) a vegetative state. In 2005 when we moved in, I didn’t know quite how to approach these vines. They looked much like they do in the picture. The moving guys had to use hauling straps to pin back the vines to clear a path for hauling boxes and furniture. During early Autumn 2005, I gave the vines a haircut by cutting back only what was drooping downward. No flowers in the Spring. In early Autumn 2006, I did the same thing. In 2007 there were no flowers during the Spring either so I did some reading up on Wisterias. It turns out that the flowers bloom on last year’s “new wood”. Great, I thought, problem solved. I’ll skip the Autumn trim and see if the vines flower in the Spring of 2008. Well, the Spring of 2008 came and NO FLOWERS. So, I do some more reading. It turns out that very mature Wisterias can stop producing flowers altogether. One method of restoring blooms is to do a major crop, down to about 3–4’ below where you’d like the Wisteria to ultimately reach. Then you thin some of the side shoots as well. From my research online, after a major cut back, the Wisteria might not grow flowers for 1–2 years. Moving forward, each year you’re supposed to cut back at least 90% of new growth.

So, I decided, enough is enough. Let’s break out some gas powered landscaping goodness and kick us some Wisteria Ass! We’re going to get this old fart to flower if it kills us!

This is what the arbor looked like at 2:30pm. I thought it would take 2 1/2 hours to trim and clean up. Ultimately the entire job took 5 hours. So my perfect record – of under-estimating the time involved in any project whatsoever by 100% – remains intact! Yay for me.

If I didn’t have my trusty John Deere hedge trimmer (with the 5’ extension) I’d be hanging dead from the arbor instead of writing this blog entry. The mass of vines and leaves was 5’ thick on top of the arbor and after I cut a notch out for my 12’ ladder I was on top of the arbor and systematically sawing the mass into sections so I could shove off hunks of vine down to the ground. The extension on the trimmer let me do it from a distance so I didn’t have to climb on top of the vines, which would have been asking for trouble. Once the top was mostly bare – except for the vines 2” thick or larger – I got back down to ground level and cut every vine down to about 6’. After thinning a little more I was ready to clean up. Cleaning up took as long as making the mess to begin with. It took about 10 trips with my wagon to haul the debris to my brush dumping ravine (every redneck should have one). A little cleaning up with the backback blower, a few dehydration induced hallucinations and I was all done.

The arbor looks nice with more of it exposed, but I’ll look forward to training a few of the wisteria vines to crawl back up to the top again. I’ll trim back new growth more regularly from now on and maybe we’ll see some flowers in a couple of years. One thing I’ve noticed is that with the wisteria mass gone from the top of the arbor, the six Rose of Sharon bushes lining the walk (the tops visible behind the arbor) need to be trimmed much shorter in the Autumn to match the “new” height of the arbor.

I’ve got a couple other landscaping jobs I’m working on while I prepare to get back to fence building. I look forward to blogging about those soon!